What does it mean to ‘push through’? What does it mean to ‘dig deep’? When should I set a boundary and ensure I have time and space for recovery?

These questions are abiding at this time of the year. It is predictable. It is cyclical.

I lost it yesterday morning and shouted at my child, in front of our dear neighbour children, “Come home now or you won’t be allowed to play outside the rest of the weekend!” On a beautiful, sunny weekend, that is neither true nor fair. And, I don’t want to be rude. I just didn’t have the energy to deal with a negotiation, delay, or defiance.

That’s about my energy level.

The two hours I have booked for ‘rest’ today may not be enough on this big dance recital and volunteer weekend and the ‘What can I accomplish in the garden in 1 hour before church’ campaign didn’t help. It is a ‘push through’ weekend. As sweat poured off of me and the water blisters rose on my fingers, I realized I am barely hanging on today. The aggravation at our full-of-weeds backyard choked out any joy in my heart. It’s ironic because I blogged about 5 Ideas for Finishing the Year Well last weekend.

So here I am, raw and processing.

 

My first question…

What are my priorities?

It always lands on family time. I love our friends to death! Yet, I always land with our marriage, our two big kids, our bonus baby, and our extended family first. I blocked off 5 hours today for my peeps! It means this blog post will be too raw and I will find embarrassing mistakes later. It’ll be a good decision. What are your priorities?

Then…

What nourishes my soul?

I went to church. We arrived 15min late. I fought shame and exhaustion to get there. The Builder put his arm around me and I softened. There I found a Table, much like the Table I relate to in education. There was community, comfort, and confession. I grieved my humanity and our collective imperfections. Yet, there we were in the simple enfolding of the goodness that is sacred and nourishing.

Finally…

What is true?

I am normal and today is normal. The let-down after dance recital weekend is to be expected. My intentions around the end of the school year still ring true. The struggle to keep up with our responsibilities. The weight of the responsibilities. The courage it takes to walk forward. That’s true. It’s true for all of us. And there is grace enough to go around.

The music just turned on…

There’s more song and dance in the house…

I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

For the sake of the children,

Karine