Developing a Child’s Sense of Worthiness

Have you ever received a gift so profound, so meaningful, and so supportive? One where the first response is speechless?  Then you struggle for words and the next formed thought is, “I’m not worthy.”

Maybe it is the gift of someone’s time and presence.  Maybe it is a gift of wisdom or kindness.  Maybe it is a financial gift or investment.  Maybe it is a gift of thoughtfulness and sentiment.  Maybe it is a mind-blowing experience.

The great gift calls into question, “Am I Enough?” and makes you wonder if you have the capacity to honour the gift and giver.

One of the five most important journeys of a child is: worthiness.  I think this small example is a simple experience highlighting how our sense of worthiness is always being shaped.

I just saw an Instagram post from Marie Forleo who offers a definition of worthiness from a beautiful experience with India Arie,

Worthy – (adj) deserving of effort, attention or respect.

Learn Forward Interactive Model

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Let’s consider this from the vantage point of a child.  What is worthiness?  How does it form in a child?

It is NOT a feeling of entitlement, expectation, or demand.  It is not a child trapped in their point of view and their own desires.

What would some of the descriptions be of a child who feels worthy?  In my experience a child who feels worthy…

  • believes they have inherent value.
  • embraces challenges.
  • knows the power of the word “…yet”.
  • doesn’t feel threatened by the success of others.
  • enjoys a settled and grounded sense of self.
  • has positive self-talk.
  • experiences the real sense of ‘I am enough’.
  • believes I am worthy of dignity, respect, and good things.

Now friends, does any child have all of that figured out?  Likely not.  Mine don’t.  Do I have that all figured out?  Nope.  So, our journey is to keep figuring it out and encouraging it in our children.

I find some of Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset helpful in this regard.  I gathered some resources for you on Pinterest.  I think my favourite is a list of powerful questions we can learn to use when the children in our lives are struggling.

I want to discuss one more idea about worthiness because it is a hot topic for me in the last week or two.

As parents and teachers, we need to consider a child’s sense of worthiness as fundamental to healthy relationships in the future, particularly the expression of intimacy through healthy sexuality.  We have to discuss these issues more because  pornography, sexting, and pop culture are ravaging our children’s sense of self, worthiness, and expressions of love.  It isn’t 50 shades of grey.  Encouraging the inherent value in every child is fundamental to being able to connect in healthy intimate relationships, honouring both self and another.

A child’s sense of worthiness shapes their learning and loving.  As we are attuned to the journey of worthiness, we can encourage the roots to grow deeper.

How?  I know we’re all trying to figure this out.  Here are some of my practices as I journey towards infusing the hearts of children in my life with worthiness.

  1. Listen with eye contact and full presence.
  2. Embrace faith practices in a positive community that dignifies humanity and holds a sense of the Great Mystery.
  3. Frame your conversations with empowering questions rather than pat answers.
  4. Practice the mentality, “We can do hard things.”
  5. Reach for your own sense of worthiness, as you would reach for your own child.
  6. Celebrate the child for who they are!

A sense of worthiness is the gift so profound, so meaningful, and so supportive.

Journal questions:

  • From your perspective, how is worthiness developed in a child’s heart?
  • What happened this week to invite you and the children in your life to consider the worthiness journey.  How did you handle it?

For the sake of the children,

Karine

PS  Parents, if you want to be more intentional about designing your home life to help your own children thrive, join The Builder and me at the Nest-Building Retreat in Kelowna on May 13-14!  Introductory registration prices will only be available until April 18!  So don’t delay!